Dear Santa - wish list for 2008
Dear Santa,
Many thanks for the technology gifts this year, but I have to say that your software and hardware divisions didn’t seem to be in complete alignment for 2007.
I thought I would give you early notice in preparation of your December 25, 2008 milestone which should be plenty of time for your elves and programmers to complete any change requests or design modifications.
1. UPDATE IPOD: You certainly have been favouring Apple recently. I like the products and what you’ve done for Steve Jobs and Apple share price (many thanks for this additional present too Santa 
) but I’d like to see the Apple iTouch iPod be released with a 120 or 150gb hard drive instead of flash memory. While you are at it, add reliable file sharing blue tooth as well.
2. GET RID OF THE CRAP IN ITUNES? Apple has allowed any Tom, Dick and Harry into the Podcasting side of things on iTunes and it’s mostly one post wonders. There are no filters on anything so it’s a bit of a mess. This should easy for your Santa Programmers to do. Zap the crap.
3. HIGH DEFINITION CAMERAS: HD is really starting to rock. The Sony Handycam HDR-CX7 Memory Stick PRO Duo is a great concept - recording direct to memory cards and with a compact size that can sit in my bag or mum can carry to playgroup and film the kiddies playing and so on.
But, as you know Santa, Sony has had lots of problems lately and this camera has terrible pixilation and the software supplied is terrible. Give them a hand and fix it - great concept, poor execution. While you’re at it, add an external mic input!
4. SOFTWARE TO MICROBLOG: One of the next generation blogging tools will be MicroBlogging. Microblogging involves sharing short messages among a group. Messages are typically posted from mobile phones via SMS or instant messaging. I’ve “Microblogged” my family everytime I travel. What we would like are some decent software tools that work to make this happen.
5. AMAZON KINDLE: Amazon released a new product with a dumb name - Kindle - and I know you’re probably pissed off because it sounds like Kris Kringle which is what they call you in Holland. But it is a good idea and a stab in the dark. Why don’t you swallow your pride and schmooze old Jeff Bezos and make sure he can keep selling the device. I think it has a lot of promise so make sure it works.
6. BROADBAND FOR AUSTRALIA: In 2007, Australia decided to change Government and now the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has to action a broadband rollout plan which he promised to do. He needs your help early so you might like to fast-track this project as it is a big one.
Plus Rudd-the-Stud has to battle with those nasty telcos in Australia who rake in piles of cash by providing sub-standard service quality while those dumb Aussies continue to shell out their precious payola and pay exorbitant telecommunications charges.
BTW – Santa, make sure Labor get the broadband plan right. I heard they are looking at a peer-to-peer network! You might like to remind them of the experiment in San Francisco.
7. FORMAT WARS - AGAIN! Blu-Ray versus HD-DVD. Santa, I wrote to you about the same debate in the 1980’s when there was incompatible systems called VHS and Beta. I know you’re a little older now and prefer the single malt whiskey instead of beer on Christmas Eve but surely we can resolve this debate sooner rather than later?
I’ve seen the resolution of the Blu-Ray from Sony and it’s great but Sony was also the main backer of Beta technology in the 1980’s and they lost the format wars then.
Like many others, I have this nice, big fat Plasma screen just waiting for some real heavy action and can’t wait much longer for a long life player.
8. Fix the Apple Air. Great concept and I am quite happy not to have to lug around my MacBook Pro for presentations. Remind those at Apple about a great concept they had called “Apple Due” in the 1990’s - before most of the kids at Apple were born - and design an “AirDock” so that the Air can sync with, say, a MacPro
9. New PDA design. I think the PDA or portable assistant is getting squeezed out. The HP4700 has been a winner in the past but needs a small, portable digital assistant. Companies like Motion Computer have the LS800 which is a great machine but it’s like someone put a full blown PC through the wash and have ended up with a “Look honey, I shrunk the PC”! Get the design elves to give us better, lighter PDA - not a micro, fudged down PC.
and finally for me:
10. REDESIGN THE DOG. Yes I know I was a really nice husband in 2007 and allowed my sexy, gorgeous and wonderful wife to sweet-talk me into buying a dog (which was one of the stupidest things I’ve done) and now this “puppy” has peed all over my new green lawn which now looks like a desert, torn up my flowers, eaten plant boxes, eaten one $300 business shirt, countless kids toys and has taken one of the childrens pillows that he continues to hump furiously right in the middle of the lounge room. Here’s what I’d like to do.
A. Automatic Poop-Catcher: Let’s get those elf engineers to design an automatic poop catcher. This 18kg “puppy” drops turds the size of 1,000lb bombs! Surely we can come up a method to attach a bag or vacuum to his bum to catch these bombs and tie them in a nice little bag? We can then just pick them up and bin them. While we are also redesigning this area, can move his ugly butt-hole to the underside so we don’t have to stare at that ugly butt all the time?
B. Automatic dog pause button: This is a challenging one but I am sure you have some geeks that can help. I have seven remotes in the lounge and another one won’t hurt. What we want is a way to freeze fido instantly. Keep the heart beat going – otherwise he will shed from being stressed – but perfectly still, no movement and no barking till I want to un-pause him and play.
C. Dogs That Are Wireless Hubs: Not as far-fetched as you might imagine. Look at all the highly specialized breeds that humans have developed in just a few hundred years. Consider the Basset Hound, with their long ears to sweep scent up from the ground, their wrinkled ugly faces to hold that scent closer to their incredibly sensitive noses and ever a white blaze on the tail to make the animal easier to locate in tall grass. We did all of that with selective breeding, so why not allow fido the dog to serve as a broadband carrier? We could even make his tail act as wireless antenna!
D. Don’t worry about the humping part - I have a solution to fix that one soon; permanently - snip!
Many thanks Santa and take care for the year.
Matthew
Tags: amazon, Apple, blu ray, christmas, dogs, HD, ipod, kindle, Sony, wi fi